Why I Finally Decided to Make This Blog
Photography by Arshayla Robinson
I have spent the last 2 years on an unexpected road to discover myself. Each time I learned something new about what I can handle when I am at my lowest and what I can achieve when I am riding high I always come back to the same thought: I wondered what it would truly be like to be unapologetically me. Unapologetically me every single day.
I mean what does it mean to be unapologetic in the first place? After a lot of thought I have come to believe that being 'unapologetic' is about releasing regret for who you are from the equation.
I am doing a little experiment. To be honest it is a grand experiment and I have been working on it for 2 years so far. Slow and steady is an understatement. I have made a dedication myself to be in a constant state of “sorry not sorry” (Beyoncé voice) from sunup to sundown when it comes to me. As a black woman you already know how society confines us to stereotypes that belittle our very existence. So this experiment is a revolutionary act. And if you know me you know that this was a bit of a challenge. If you don’t know me it is more than a bit of a challenge.
These are the 4 ways I have begun to embrace being unapologetically me:
Artsy and Dorky
Black and Educated
Fat and Fashionable
Manifesting
1. Artsy and Dorky
Comparison is poison to productivity. It is the death note to the creative process. For a long time I refused to think highly of my own skill because the style I gravitated towards was not abstract enough to be abstract, traditional enough to be traditional, or experimental enough to be experimental art. I would look at other artists and feel dejected. I have been creating since before I can remember but it took me until my final year in college to label myself as an artist and until I was 30 years old to put on my first show. Well it took 30 years but baby I am an artist through and through. Just give me a canvas, face, a room, or an event and I will be in my zone.
I am unapologetically accepting that what makes me most happy and gives me the full experience of living is art. That’s my artsy, dorky truth.
2. Black and Educated
We live in a society where this term can sometimes be believed to be an oxymoron. I exist in a space that calls for me to challenge those views. I can be every inch authentically me and not diminish my blackness for the ease of my nonblack counterparts. And I do feel it is essential to my soul and my personal being. It’s also necessary because of my position. I work with beautiful effervescent young people who are growing to find a place in the world and I would be doing them a great disservice to diminish my light, fold under scrutiny, and apologize for my authenticity as an educated person of color. I need to model the success that they have the power in achieving. I need to be an example of what it can look like to use my voice and let it be backed by my black excellence.
It is essential that I am the unapologetic black educated queen I am because representation matters. My voice is valid in every space not just one society dictates are meant for me and my ability to showcase that has real impact.
3. Fat and Fashionable
What does it mean to be unapologetically fat and fashionable. For me it simply means I am the only entity in control of my body and I have influence over its image. I separate the two of those because what each represents. My physical body is my property; it belongs to me alone and my image is your perception of that body. And the best that I can do is give you a starting point but I can’t nor do I care to formulate those opinions for you. I decide what clothes I wear and I set the attitude you will get with a look. Fat and fashionable in all seriousness is one of the easiest for me to exude although it took the longest for me to be comfortable with. In the past I would dress to fit in or sometimes to disappear. Now I dress to stand out because I was not blessed with this body to be a secret to be ashamed or to have regrets about loving myself. These days I practice refusing to be made uncomfortable because my rolls fit a dress differently than a size 2, 6, or 12. Or feel ashamed because my thunder thighs and full hips serve you “bawdy” all day.
To my haters and supporters I unapologetically bare my skin and refuse to apologize because your eyes are untrained in seeing what nature beautifully provided. I am unapologetically fat and fashionable because self-love is essential to the soul. Self love is about loving every part of you without excuses or conditions.
4. Manifesting
The minute you speak something you give it life. You unconsciously start making moves big and small that are in direct alignment with your words. Words, goals, and affirmations have power. I want to fuel all of them with positivity and manifest the life we all deserve of happiness in whatever form it comes. I am practicing replacing the term 'I wish' with 'I will'. This past year I replaced my daily wish of being more active with one small thought each morning: ‘I will move today for 30minutes.” It was my mini self revolution or more like a revelation. I learned that by placing intent behind my words I already started on my journey of manifesting changes in my life.
I am unapologetically manifesting because I am bigger than my doubts. My worth is not measured by any external scale but is free to exist in it’s own greatness.
An artist is defined as someone who practices a creative skill. My goal is to become an artist at life. I have and will continue to practice these for acts of being unapologetically artsy, dorky, black and educated, fat, fashionable, and manifesting so they become so natural and seamless that they occur without hesitation. The goal is to no longer be a roadblock to my own success. If you let doubt and insecurity cloud your vision you will continue to exist with a constant case of imposter syndrome in your life and making allowances to deprive yourself of being yourself. You deserve more.
This blog is one of my revolutionary acts of self discovery that I am using to help me live the life that I deserve. As we enter into a new chapter what is a revolutionary act you would like to practice?
Share in the comments.
Hollinda Tudor
Founder of TriBelleStyle LLC
Follow my Instagram pages for more content:
Style page- @TribelleStyleBoutiqueinChic
Art page- @Hollys_Sketchbook